emmy

emmy, 2 months ago to random

Hi, I'm Emmy.

I'm a person. I'm trans, programmer, stutterer, Muslim, married person.

I'm a person, and I have needs and wants. I have to keep reminding myself of this because I tend to forget it and revert to an NPC-like entity that just does what society/other people expect. I'm trying to actually enjoy existing for once.

I'm trans. I was born with a male physical body, but I wish I wasn't. The major sign that made me realize this is that when I think of myself as a woman, I feel like a person. But when I think of myself as a man, I feel absolutely nothing. However, I have not, and will not, transition biologically or socially (except this Fediverse account) for reasons that will be clear later in this post. I can manage dysphoria most of the time by having an intense feeling of depersonalization. This body is not mine, I just live in it and direct its every action.

I'm a programmer. I love computers and programming and nerdy technical things and hyper niche details about topics only a handful of people know about. Reading documentation is a perfectly fine way to spend my free time. I'm obviously a Linux user, and I use Fedora.

I'm a stutterer. I've had a very bad stutter ever since I can remember. I can't finish a single sentence without stuttering at least twice. I let it haunt my life for a very long time but now I have accepted it. If someone can't understand me, it's on them to ask me to repeat myself. I'm done beating myself over it and avoiding situations for fear of stuttering. However, I still hate phone calls and voice chat because the other parties can't tell when I pause because of a stutter or if I finished talking.

I'm a Muslim. I'm religious and I believe in it and I do everything that being a Muslim implies. This is the main reason I don't want to transition. I understand some people here get hurt when I talk about the details in public, but I'm happy to discuss it in private (DMs or CW'ed follower-only posts).

I'm married to a wonderful woman. I was wrong to keep her in the dark about my transness for so long. But I have finally came out to her and she is very supportive of me. We also have two kids.

Miscellaneous things about me if anyone cares enough: I'm a millennial, so that puts a range on my age. I live north of the equator and east of the Prime Meridian. My native language is Arabic. #introduction