idk if i ever mentioned this but i was actually still considering ffs in 2022. i felt ugly and it was constantly on my mind. it didn’t matter what people said to me or how my selfies were received or how my face compared to others.
i could point out specific parts that i hated but that’s irrelevant. i think what felt the worst was that it still reminded me of what i used to look like. i had it somehow associated with “maleness”, but also the idea that i was just generally repulsive (more childhood trauma i guess).
i don’t remember exactly how i got over it but it was a long and complex process and had more to do with self-worth/self-love in general than with anything about my body. and in hindsight i’m actually glad ffs was never available to me because i think it would have made it worse instead of better. i’d look at my face and conclude that even ffs can’t fix it and it’s fucking over. because it’d still feel wrong.
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