@Dwalrus@eveningzoo.club

Dwalrus

@Dwalrus@eveningzoo.club

Experts, Text-perts, Choking Smokers..don’t you think the joker laughs at you? :zoo_dwalrus:

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Dwalrus, to random

A 30 second summary of Biden at the debate

video/mp4

BlinkRape, to random
Dwalrus,

I dont care if Trump blew so many loads on Stormy that she looked like she lost on a Nickelodeon game show.

Seriously WGAF. I just want my gas prices under $3.00 again

Dwalrus,

But it was the biggest STD ever. Trump's doctor was amazed how yuge and perfect Trump's STD was. He took a picture of it and added it to the journal of medical science because he had never seen such a magnificent STD before

Dwalrus, to random

Happy Mexican Independence Day!

Dwalrus, to random

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erica, to random
@erica@noauthority.social avatar

There is literally nothing harmful about 17 year olds having sex.

Why do we have to be so fucking cruel to people who fall in love?

Is our whole society a bunch of fucking sadists?

https://fstube.net/w/tAPcwUZkMxrfGJV2oqTChU

Dwalrus,

The fact someone has to explain to you that an adult teacher banging a high school student is wrong tells me all I need to know about you

6gorillanbarsofjewsoap, to random
@6gorillanbarsofjewsoap@nicecrew.digital avatar

Any gents thinking of donating sperm in the US, just don't.

video/webm

Dwalrus,

What happened to the guy who donated his stool sample to her? 🤔

Dwalrus, to random

Beelazabub: "Ha!!!! Shove another pinapple up Ted Kennedy's butt 😆 it never gets old!!! "

Demon receptionist: "Your evilness, sorry to interrupt but O.J. Simpson just arrived"

Beelzebub: What!!??!! Quick, Get me bigger and more pinapples"

ChristopherBRobin, to random
@ChristopherBRobin@iddqd.social avatar

video/mp4

Dwalrus,

If that was my GF I'd let keep whatever the heck she asked me too.

Humpleupagus, to random
@Humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club avatar

@Dan_Hulson

I dunno wtf is going on in this movie, but you have to check it out. Don't let the cover fool you. It takes place in the city.

Dwalrus,

My dad let me watch Jaws when I was 7. Then he actually tried to take me to the beach that summer. No way was I getting in the water. He didn't know it but I didnt even take a bath for 3 months after seeing it. I'd run the tub and then sit on the bathroom floor for 15 minutes.

stardust, to random
@stardust@nicecrew.digital avatar

skiddamirinky dinky dink
skiddamarinky dooo

Dwalrus,

@Humpleupagus was so high that night. He put his trunk on all their junk.. even the bald dude's ... twice

Humpleupagus, to random
@Humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club avatar

True Story:

> Be me
> Playing basketball at the local park with my wife
> Miss a shot
> Wife goes after the ball
> Wife sees a weed and pulls it

Fucking wetbacks. SMFH. 😒

Dwalrus,

Did she try to sell it to high school kids?

Dwalrus, to random

Inflation leads to 30% food price increase

Hundreds of thousands illegals strolling across the border every month

Gas prices so high people actually lose money by driving to work

Cannibal Hatians heading our way

CONGRESS for the past month:
Let's ban Tik Tok

KiKi88, to random
@KiKi88@nicecrew.digital avatar

Never trust a girl with a messy bun on top of her head and huge hoop earrings :pepe_cringe:

Dwalrus,

I went to a strip club once and only once in my life. I felt like a total perv... sitting there surrounded by nothing but dudes watching a woman take her bra off. The place stunk like chlorine, the dudes were creepy, the beer was watered down and I felt bad for the chick

Never been to a club since. IMHO it's pathetic

DrFell, to random

video/mp4

Dwalrus,

That was my ex-wife after our divorce!!!! . I want the car! I want the house! I want etc etc etc

Dwalrus, to random

Rember when that guy who lived on the bottom floor of a NY building kept tweeting that Jews were digging tunnels underneath his apartment

And it turned out Jews were digging tunnels underneath his apartment? That was awesome

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francesdanger, to random
@francesdanger@indg.club avatar

NATIVE INDIGENOUS MUTUAL AID

I'm a disabled Mvskoke Semvnole woman who is $150 short on rent. We were going to doordash but we both have strep. If 6 allies sent $25 we could have this covered please. Mvto!

C@sh@pp $fdanger
Venm0 @francesdanger
paypal.me/FrancesDanger

Dwalrus,

She needs to focus on her relationship and understanding of carbs.

NOTE: This is the photo she chose for her profile..... imagine how fat she really is

Dwalrus,

Ahhhhh!!!!! C'mon! Give a guy a warning before posting that image!

n3f_X, to random
@n3f_X@nicecrew.digital avatar

😫

Dwalrus,

The FBI after seizing @Humpleupagus ’ computer

Dwalrus, to random

Jesus was pretty clear : The Jewish people would no longer be God’s people becuz they failed. Christians would be his new tenants

Humpleupagus, to random
@Humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club avatar

True story:

> Be me
> Two years practicing law.
> Have some cash saved up.
> Decide to buy my wife a car.
> Go to the dealership with my wife and father.
> Sales guy lets my wife test drive a few cars, and tries to get information to size us up.
> Wife wants the red car.
> Tell her to act like she wants the blue car.
> Back at dealership
> We tell the sales guy the price we're willing to pay for the "blue car," take it or leave it. Make him think that wife really wants it bad.
> Sales guy hands us off to the "hard closer"
> Hard closer sits down.
> He looks my father straight in the eyes and says "counselor when you're in court, do you just tell the other party that you want a certain deal and it's take it or leave it?"
> My father looks back, "I'm not the attorney, he is" pointing to me
> Sales guy turns bright red
> I lean in, look him confidentially in the eyes, and say "yeah, I've done that several times. I can do it right now if you'd like me to."
> Sales guy turns brighter red.
> He stands up, asks us to walk with him.
> He walks us to the door, blue car is sitting in front of the dealership, engine on, doors open.
> He looks at me and says, I can get you the red car for the price you want, but the blue car is $3000 more. Glances at my wife thinking he can manipulate her.
> Wife looks at him and says "It's a deal. We'll take the red car."

Dwalrus,
Tepid_Tapir, to random

A shark is getting an annual exam at the Wildlife Conservation Society's New York Aquarium. I believe the shark is sedated and it appears they have a mobile ultrasound a woman is holding in the background there.

Dwalrus,

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Humpleupagus, to random
@Humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club avatar
Dwalrus,

Anyone except the guy who used his fighting skills against…. HIMSELF

barber, to random

I hope y'all enjoy this story I wrote. Every word is true...

The Art Of Poormouthing

Growing up poor certainly has its share of disadvantages, but it does toughen you up and enhances your ability to improvise.

I was the third of six children and my daddy was a chicken farmer. There can be a lot of ups and downs in that business so there was never a consistent cash flow into our home. The necessities were all we got. Treats and extras were a rarity. Partly due to our circumstances but mainly because my old man was such a skinflint. He was so tightfisted with his money, if it cost a nickel to shit, he'd throw up instead.

Unfortunately for me, my next door neighbor was a boy named Billy Suddreth who was the same age as me. Billy was an only child and his daddy worked for the railroad which was a good paying job in my part of the country. Billy never wanted for anything. I was constantly reminded of all the things I could be enjoying in life because Billy had everything I desired and I had to witness what a great life he had every time I passed his house and saw him playing with all his toys in his front yard.

But it wasn't Billy's toys that I coveted the most. As a boy, my favorite thing to eat was peanut butter. My daddy would never allow mama to buy any because "it cost too much money" and "Do you know how much pinto beans you can buy for what a jar of that peanut shit costs?"

Much to my disappointment, Billy loved peanut butter too and got to eat it whenever he wanted. Billy's mama went to the store every Saturday to get their weekly haul of groceries. She always bought Billy his very own jar of peanut butter every time she went. Because he loved it so much, Billy would devour the whole jar as soon as she handed it to him. It didn't take me long to learn this pattern.

I would patiently wait on Saturday for Billy's mama to get back from the grocery store. I knew about how long it would take for Billy to eat that jar of peanut butter. When I knew my window of opportunity was open, I'd go down to Billy's house, knock on the door, and ask if he could come outside and play.

Once Billy came out, we'd play around for a few minutes and I'd always find a way to pick a fight with him and make sure it turned into a wrestling match. Now, you might be thinking I did this because I was a mean and jealous child and I somehow wanted to punish Billy for having a better life than me. You'd be wrong in thinking that. I just wanted to get close enough to him to smell that sweet scent of peanut butter on his breath.

https://youtu.be/U58JZ05qlGk

Dwalrus,

Or wearing a dog costume?…could have had all the peanut butter in Billy’s house

Dwalrus, to random

Rachael Maddow is not aging well

Dwalrus, to random

WTH? I saw a dude in the gym today still wearing a mask.

MFW

Dwalrus, to random

I’m traveling on business staying in a credible hotel. As I type this some dude is taking someone to pound town in the room next door. Bam bam bam bam non stop.🛑

We are America .. we put a man on the moon and invented the nuclear bomb. Can’t we create pound-town-proof walls 🤷🏻‍♂️

Dwalrus,

“Thought it was me”? Did they think he was taking you to pound-town? Why would they think that about you? 🤔

viking, to random
@viking@noauthority.social avatar
Dwalrus,

I wish airlines would enforce that law. Air Marshals need to start arresting all the fat people who try to squeeze into the middle seat next to me

Dwalrus,

100% agree. I had a flight to the east coast a few months ago where I had to sit sideways… no joke. The fat dude next to me was so big he spilled 1/2 way into my seat. I couldn’t sit normally. I had to shift sideways to make room for his fat. This isn’t right

Dwalrus, to random

FUN FRIDAY FACT:
Alec Baldwin has killed more people than Charlie Manson.

It’s true look it up

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JoePrich, to random
@JoePrich@nicecrew.digital avatar

What's stopping your driveway from looking like this every weekday afternoon??

video/mp4

Dwalrus,

Seriously bro don’t be a victim. That will just make her happy. Like I said: best revenge is to be happy without her. That’ll kill her. Look at this as an opportunity. Go on some dating app say “recently separated by a bitch who cheated on me” you’ll have dozens of chicks responding

freepatriot, to random
@freepatriot@liberdon.com avatar

There is no sanity in the USA anymore.

How can you deal with Americans when they look you in the eye and say that the US had TSA groping in 1776?

Dwalrus,

Before 911 they use to serve full meals on planes with a menu to choose from including a desert… it was included in the flight.

Before COVID they use to clean you hotel room and give you fresh towels daily. Now you gotta special request it a day in advance.

They’ll use any excuse to screw us. I wonder what the next common place activity will be stripped from us

Dwalrus, to random

You know I don’t care if a charity is religiously based I.e. a Catholic Charity . But be upfront. I hate when they are sneaky about it.

Did you know that Kars 4 Kids only uses the donations to help low income Jewish families… not anyone else. They don’t say a word about that in their ads.

Or that the “International Coalition Of Christians and Jews” will take Christians money but only help Jewish people. If a Jewish man and a Christian man are in need of help, standing next to each other in the Ukraine, the “Coalition” will only give aid to the Jewish man and let the Christian starve.

Again if you want to give to any religion I’m all for it but I hate sneaky charities

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shedinja, to random
@shedinja@poa.st avatar

2001 a space odyssey is so meh. The aesthetics are cool but the "le computer...bad" plot falls so flat.

Dwalrus,

Here’s Johnny

hidden, to random

I miss her

Dwalrus,

The more you know

jill, to random
@jill@nicecrew.digital avatar

:gmmmm: :blank: Fam & Frens...tis Wiener Frideee... 🌭 ... :sideeye: ... :3:
:otter_bye:

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Dwalrus,

Check your pillow and sheets for sprinkles … fat people always leave sprinkles behind

Pinochet_Pepe, to random
@Pinochet_Pepe@poa.st avatar

:naruhodonotes:

Dwalrus,

Based? I’ll show you based:
Never laugh at bald dudes

2 Kings 2:23-25

Humpleupagus, to random
@Humpleupagus@eveningzoo.club avatar
Dwalrus,

If it’s on your property you get to keep it

Dwalrus, to random

Disney has really fallen

Ghislaine, to random
@Ghislaine@poa.st avatar

They’re putting chemicals in the water to make women into mtf transsexuals

Dwalrus,

Why?!!

Dwalrus, to random

NO!!!!!! Dont do it! It’s a trap!! 😳

Dwalrus, to random

What’s the deal with all these fat people in TV commercials? It’s like every commercial is full of ugly fat people

n3f_X, to random
@n3f_X@nicecrew.digital avatar

jellyfish UFO's are after you now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0V9mhk9Hm0&ab_channel=NewsNation

Dwalrus,

In my professional opinion , It’s a cum stain on the download screen from a drone.

Some dude was using the drone to spy on the female latrine and jizzed on the download screen. Next time they flew the drone and downloaded the video the jizz stain could be seen.

The stain appears to be moving but it’s not. It’s the back ground that’s moving as the drone flies. Kinda like how Hollywood use to make people look like they were driving a car by sitting them in front of a film screen

Not an alien, just female latrine jizz

Dwalrus,

Dude knock it off. You have a problem

Dwalrus, to random

Every Country has their own unique way of referring to cops :

Sui, to random
@Sui@decayable.ink avatar

Shit, I'm late. Uhh Art Contest 24 (S2E2) - 2024 Bingo Cards

Aight, this week I want to see which of you can predict the future the best. 5x5 grid, use the template or make your own idgaf. No free space though, get a jerb socialist.

Deadline's 9pm EST next Sunday, have fun!

Dwalrus,

I’m gonna win. No doubt

Dwalrus,

@Humpleupagus

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